Thanks for making our students SMARTIES! You’re a LIFESAVER.
Also, thank you for your feedback on the WHATCHAMACALLIT training last week. We heard GOOD & PLENTY that you don’t need classroom management tips from AIRHEADS who have never been in a classroom. Unfortunately, we’re in 100 GRAND deep to the aforementioned AIRHEADS. Session Two will be Monday after your contracted work hours. JOLLY RANCHERS provided.
There will be THREE MUSKETEER (active shooter) drills be-TWIX’d standardized testing sessions this week. We apologize for the time CRUNCH—please TAKE 5 minutes of self-care today. And fill out the Google form indicating when you can cover for other teachers during their TAKE 5.
DONUT stop collecting data on every interaction you have with students. We need MOUNDS of data to make charts about how well everything is going here.
Sorry about the cafeteria MILK on Tuesday being kind of a DUD. We’ll get the SOUR PATCH of vomit cleaned out of your carpet before your class starts smelling a MILKY WAY. What’s that? The humidity from your perpetually broken A.C. unit has already combined with the SOUR PATCH to create a jungle-like atmosphere of vomit vapor?
We’ll do ASBESTOS we can to prioritize this. We’ve got no other service requests at the moment, so we’ll get right on it, HOT TAMALE!
We MINT to tell you about the new student we added to your roster before he started last week. OH, and HENRY bit his last STARBURST on the wrist. Legally, we have to be clear here that “starburst” = “teacher.” Henry attacked his previous teacher. His parents say he’s a SWEETART at home, and they ask that you wear a hard rubber or silicone bracelet to cover your radial arteries. Don’t be a JAWBREAKER!
We know the staff bathroom is a quarter-mile from your classroom, but here’s a quote to ponder instead of whining like a BABY: RUTH Bader Ginsberg once said, “Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.” So get stepping, SUCKERS.
Thank you, teachers, for all you do. We sincerely hope this CRUSHED-UP NATURE VALLEY BAR LEFT OVER FROM DIVERSITY NIGHT compensates for your PAYDAY.