One bell: Time to open another cash register.
Two bells: A customer has additional questions and requires assistance.
Three bells: First Mate (assistant manager) or Captain (store manager) is needed at that register.
Four bells: “All hands on deck”—the store is experiencing a high volume of shoppers. All crew members (employees) are required to respond.
Five bells: A toilet has overflowed in the men’s restroom and requires immediate maintenance.
Six bells: The free sample station must be restocked immediately.
Seven bells: The toilet paper is out of stock.
Eight bells: The toilet paper has been restocked.
Twelve bells: It’s twelve o’clock, and watches should be synchronized accordingly.
Thirteen bells: A customer has requested that a crew member “check the back” for a specific item.
Fourteen bells: Crew member has not yet emerged from “the back” and could not be located by a search party. Next of kin should be notified immediately.
A high ringing in your right ear: Is a sign of tinnitus. Please consult your primary physician.
Twenty-nine bells: A toilet has overflowed in the women’s restroom and requires immediate maintenance.
Thirty-three bells: Corporate has implemented a new policy. Please check the digital copy of the Crew Member Handbook for updates.
Forty-seven bells: The entire store is out of stock and must be restocked immediately.
Ringing in patterns that resemble Morse code: Should be noted as such and relayed immediately (by the Captain) to the District Manager.
Fifty-six bells: A crew member has broken the “Rule of Silence,” revealing trade secrets to a competitor.
Sixty-six bells: Corporate has passed sentence for breaking the “Rule of Silence,” and the guilty party’s tongue will be publicly removed to send a message to the others.
Seventy-six trombones: Trouble has been indicated, particularly in the region surrounding River City.
Eighty-one bells: There is a surplus of stock, and a temporary “no returns” policy is in place.
Ninety-three bells: Corporate has deemed all employees “unessential” and The Culling will begin shortly. Please report to the walk-in freezer for weapon assignments. Captains are not exempt.
Ninety-four bells: The winner of “The Culling” has emerged from the freezer. They are to be promoted to Captain immediately and prepped for a final challenge from the District Manager.
Ninety-nine bells: The old District Manager has died in combat, and corporate has decreed the survivor of The Culling shall become the new District Manager. Long live the new District Manager.
Erratic ringing: An unsupervised child is likely playing with the bell. Prepare “The Pit.”
A single, repetitive bell over the course of thirty minutes: A customer has requested to “speak with a manager,” and The Trial will begin shortly. Inform the Captain immediately, then make your way to the underground colosseum in a quick yet orderly fashion.
Consistent ringing when the afternoon sky has turned a sickly green and a northern wind reaches at least fifty miles per hour: The Time of the Beast is upon us. Abandon thy post and seek shelter. Prepare ye for the onslaught, for the oncoming storm may well take us all.
A low, guttural groan simultaneously emitted from the mouths of all crew and mates as they stare vacantly in an eastward direction: Avocados are on sale.