We at the Democratic Party understand that you all have rights and want to keep them. We love that for you. But lately, we’ve heard some concerns. Apparently, you’re very worried that you won’t have rights much longer. Some of you even say you already don’t have rights. Yikes. Let’s see what we can do about that.
Before you complain about anything, remember to vote! Voting is a sacred American—oh, you voted? That’s great. But did you also remember to vote in the—okay, you voted in the midterm elections too. Wow. That’s amazing. Well done!
Hmm. Well, so what you’re saying is, you voted, but now none of the things you wanted to happen are happening even though you voted for people who swore they would make those things happen? People who said: If you do NOT vote for me, everything will go to shit. But now everything is going to shit, and they’re just like … telling you to vote … harder?
Got it, okay. So you’re wondering what the point of supporting any of these candidates was if the minute they had any power to circumvent the worst possible outcomes by, for instance, abolishing the filibuster, granting D.C. statehood, and/or adding a couple of non-knuckleheads to the Supreme Court because it was extremely obvious to anyone paying even a tiny bit of attention that Brett “Beer Me” Kavanaugh and Amy “Sorry I Forgot the Fifth Freedom in the First Amendment, But I’m Sure It’s Not That Important” Coney Barrett were going to join forces like some kind of misogyny Voltron to torch what’s left of Roe v. Wade, they did NONE of those things and instead they just, like, dressed up in dumb as hell “bipartisan” Halloween costumes, proving that they don’t take this, or you, seriously at all?
Yeah, that sounds frustrating. Maybe there’s something wrong with your district? Have you tried turning your vote off and turning it back on again? See if that does anything.
But real changemakers know that elections are just the beginning of the work. So now it’s time to get organized and take to the streets. Make your voices heard: go out there and protest.
No, hang on, not like that. That’s not what we meant. That’s very loud and disruptive. It’s not quite terrorist-violent-insurrection disruptive, but still, it’s kind of … what’s the word we can use for this now? “Urban”? We can tell that you’re very upset. Have you thought about changing slogans to something less mean? And maybe use your inside voices. See if we listen to you then. We probably won’t, but we might. Remember how much you guys liked hoping for stuff? Those were the good old days. Keep doing that. The hoping. So great for you.
Hey, what about a tweet? We love tweets. They’ve never done us wrong. Try a hashtag. You could even use ALL CAPS. That’s shouting, for the internet. See? We get it. We understood the assignment. It’s giving rights. We’re living rent-free in your head, baby!! (Don’t get too excited about that last part; the eviction moratorium is over, just in time for Omicron. Happy holidays.)
The thing is, we can’t just be working to further our agenda, as approved of and voted on by you. What we really need to focus on are the wants of people who didn’t vote at all, or who did vote but voted for other people. They matter to us even more than you do! You may be wondering, Okay, but then WHY THE HELL DID WE VOTE FOR YOU??? So much enthusiasm, fantastic! Stay engaged and keep asking those hard questions.
We hope this solves your problems. It better, because we certainly won’t.