“If you look at the statistics, African American voters are voting in just as high a percentage as Americans.” — Sen. Mitch McConnell, 1/19/22

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Democrats love to go on and on about how voting rights are being threatened. They say Republicans are making a coordinated and concerted effort to restrict the rights of voters, specifically voters of color. But if you look at the statistics, you’ll see that’s just not true.

How can we be accused of restricting the voting rights of Black Americans if we aren’t counting them as Americans? It’s not mathematically possible.

There are African Americans, and then there are Americans. You might be looking at the voting numbers of Black Americans, but I’m looking only at the voting numbers of Americans, and they’ve only gone up.

If you compare the voter turnout among Americans from 1900 to today, you will find the numbers have gone way up. That percentage goes even higher if you compare voter turnout among Americans in 2020 with 1672. The numbers don’t lie, but Democrats do.

In the name of transparency, my cognitive abilities have declined to the point where I can’t even remember to hide my blatant racism behind a thin veil of Democratic blame.

This isn’t about opinions, feelings, or playing the victim card. This is only about the statistics in front of us. And what they show is that Americans are voting at higher numbers than ever before because every time I see the words “African Americans,” “Black people,” or “people of color,” I black out for a few seconds. When I come to, Senator John Thune is dabbing a cool cloth on my forehead and whispering, “It was just a bad dream.”

This is why we must focus on reality. And the reality we’re dealing with is that Democrats are, once again, delusional. For years, they have tried to get us to believe there is some orchestrated attack on the rights of people I don’t even see. How can I attack someone who doesn’t exist? It’s just not possible.

If you compare the numbers of cars on the road from 2022 and 1820, the numbers are way up. American innovation. If you look at the literacy rate between now and 760 BC, the numbers are way up. Americans can read.

It’s not possible to protect the rights of people who don’t exist. And by don’t exist, I mean don’t matter. There are no gay people in America or any attacks on trans people. There is no hate against Asian Americans. And I wasn’t even aware we were paying women. That’s news to me. Clearly, groups that don’t exist can’t have their rights taken away or restricted.

So you see, despite what Democrats are trying to convince us of, they are utterly wrong. There is no coordinated effort to restrict the voting rights of people of color, because I cannot see them. The only people I can see and therefore count are real Americans that look like me: a weasel zipped into a lizard suit zipped into the discarded second skin of Confederate president Jefferson Davis.

Next time the Democrats try pulling a fast one like this, they should look at the numbers first. For instance, the number 60, because that’s how many votes they would need in the Senate to pass any of their legislation. Good luck with that, Dems!