1. “Go back to sleep, let me drive, let me think, let me figure it out.”

2. “I can’t get around the river in front of me.”

3. “I don’t know, the cookies make me nervous.”

4. “I’m so sorry, but the motorcade will have to go around me this time.”

5. “Why did you listen to that man? That man’s a balloon.”

6. “Karen, I know where we are and where we’re going to be. How can you trust this stupid app more than you can trust me?”

7. “I’d rather walk all the way home right now than to spend one more second in this place.”

8. “So blame it on me. I really don’t care.”

9. “Turn off the light. I don’t want to die tonight.”

10. “It’s half your fault so half forgive me.”

11. “Stop backseat driving for once in your life.”

12. “I used to be carried in the arms of cheerleaders.”

13. “Can’t you find a way? You are in this too.”

- - -

My Dad: 3, 9, 11
My Dad again, but he said it in a sing-songy way that makes me want to say both?: 6
Both: 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 10, 13
Also both, but no one really knows what my Dad was implying when he said it: 12