Fold it into a paper airplane and throw it at your high school English teacher’s stupid face for inspiring you into this mess.

Crumble it up near your phone’s speaker. Apologize to the student loan officer for all the static. Promise to call back when you have better service.

Use it to write down orders at work. (Remember: all modifications and allergies should be rung in.)

Bury it deep in the forest as restitution to the tree that needlessly died for it.

Cut it into strips and use them to smoke the pot your 14-year-old cousin sells you behind the Dairy Queen.

Craft it into a beautifully intricate origami crane. Name the crane. Blame it for everything.

Turn it over and scribble a death threat to the zine editor who fails to see the literary value of your surrealist flash fiction.

Collect nine more and trade them in for a computer science degree.

Fashion it into a little hat. Place the hat on your head. Dare yourself to stop crying!

Set it in a fine wooden frame and hang it prominently in your home. Light home on fire and collect insurance money.

Discreetly cross out English and write in something else. Be creative! Put that English degree to use!