1. Based on an event that most thought couldn’t happen, but then did.
2. Requires gaudy candelabras.
3. Features an unhealthy love of fried food.
4. Lasts much longer than necessary.
5. Emphasizes playing children’s games with lousy odds, often relying on fake money.
6. Starts multiple, simultaneous small fires that conceivably could combine to burn down the entire house.
7. Celebrated with an inflated, manufactured sense of importance to compete with more established and rational options.
8. Centers on the story of a group of religious zealots whose rhetorical and, sometimes even quite literal, violence was subsequently glossed over and labeled with terms like “economic and cultural anxiety” to make them more palatable for a general audience.
9. Probably belittled in private by Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who publicly pretends otherwise.
10. Parents faked their love for it.
BONUS: Makes us contemplate what sins led us to this fate, and ask God’s forgiveness for whatever we did to deserve it.
Bonus: Trump (Yom Kippur also an acceptable answer)