"This weekend, [Kristen Roupenian’s New Yorker short story ‘Cat Person’] went unexpectedly viral. Or, perhaps, in this #MeToo moment, it went expectedly viral, by revealing the lengths women go to in order to manage men’s feelings, and the shaming they often suffer nonetheless." — The Atlantic, 12/11/17
I [34/M] went on great date with [20/F]. Now she’s avoiding me. Might have messed everything up through drunk texts. Please help??? [Dating]
Submitted 25 minutes ago by thisisaredvinesfamily
Backstory: I’ve been in kind of a drought and I’m a little out of practice. I’ve been hurt a lot by women who were selfish and shallow and manipulative and I don’t know how to relate to woman anymore. So now I screwed up this really promising relationship.
I met this really cute girl and I thought she was out of my league/too young (I know, I know, age gap, but I live in a college town, all I meet are college girls) so I was really surprised when she started flirting with me. I got her number and we started texting. She was really witty, a lot smarter than other girls, so I thought we had the foundation of something real even if it was just memes and jokes about our cats.
I got her a few little gifts and kissed her on the forehead one night when we met up during her finals and I don’t know, it was super romantic. But then she went home and I assumed she’d lose interest, I don’t know, I’ve been cheated on before and it’s left me with a lot of baggage. But then she mentioned that she mentioned me to her parents, and doesn’t that seem like something someone would only do if they’re trying to communicate real interest and not just stringing me along with a BUNCH of other guys?
But she kept texting me, so she made that decision right I guess. So we set up a date. I was really hopeful and we had such great text chemistry that I was sure it would translate on our date.
It was a little awkward at first — she didn’t like the movie, one of those girls who think that she knows everything because she’s taken a film class — and she was copping a slight attitude. Then I had to rescue her from a situation and we had this AMAZING first kiss, and then we had some more drinks and then SHE asked ME to take her home. I wasn’t creeping on her, she wanted it. SHE initiated it.
I really tried to make her feel safe during our encounter, but she did laugh when I asked if she was a virgin. She wasn’t, but maybe she was nervous? I have a lot of bad history with being laughed at in bed, sexy times are not a time to laugh, so it put me off a little bit. But after that it was pretty great. I know I shouldn’t say this, but she had a great body. Yum.
I know she had a good time, I could feel it. I totally delivered in that department. We watched a movie afterward, and maybe it wasn’t trendy or hip or highfalutin enough for her, because she was acting weird during that too. But then I took her home and we said goodbye with another amazing kiss, so I was feeling really optimistic for the first time in a long time.
I texted her — nothing weird, not love poems or declarations of undying committment or whatever, just some jokes and emojis bc young women love emojis — but she was busy with finals so I figured I’d give her time. And then, all of a sudeen, I get the rudest text message I’ve ever recieved in my many sad years of dating. No consideration. Nothing about the times we’d shared or a connection that meant a lot to me. Just “stop textng me [SIC]” – RIGHT after she said she’d text me. It was one of the lowest moments of my life.
But I’m a feminist, so I respected her wishes, sent a kind and classy goodbye text. And I put her out of my mind and moved on. I totally forgot about her.
And then I saw her at a bar. It was a total coincidence — small town, we’re bound to see each other eventually — but maybe she didn’t see me, or maybe she was avoiding me, or maybe the boyfriend that she probably cheated on me with kept her away from me. So — and I know I shouldn’t have done this — I texted her again. And I was pretty nice, but I just wanted to know what happened and if maybe we could just be friends.
Now she’s totally blocked me, on text, on all forms of social media. Granted, I’d had a few, and when she didn’t reply I got a little mad, and I might have gotten a little heated in text. But it was nothing compared to her rudeness to me, and by all rights I should have another chance to at least talk to her.
I just want to apologize and see if I can’t make it up to her. I really cared about her and she was a big person in my life. Even if we’re not going to be together I need to get right with her.
I know where she works. Can I go see her and explain myself to her? Or is that too much?
TL;DR: Went on a great date with a sweet girl after lots of flirty texts. We said some awful things to each other. Is there any way to fix this?
Edited to correct a few typos