Are tea cozies clothes, and if so, do you not wear one on principle?

Did you truly name your kid Chip ahead of time, or was he born while you were a teapot?

Listen, Lumière says that “ten years we’ve been rusting—” but Chip is only seven years old. What are the mechanics of pottery birth?

Who is Mr. Potts, and did he break?

What are the mechanics of pottery insemination?

Was he a teapot too, or like a spoon or a fork?

I don’t mean to dwell on this, but did Chip come out of your spout? Of the part that you lift to put the tea bags in?

How did Chip get chipped? Is this a birthmark situation / manufacturer’s error, or a severe childhood accident where he dented his head?

When you became human again, were your quads and glutes absolutely ripped from literally hopping everywhere for the past decade?

What did you think about the non-human teacups?

Do the servants of the castle get paid?

Is the payment in tea?

Is it hot and/or odd to have your body full of tea and/or of a gestating teacup baby?

Did you get paid family leave? Paid pottery family leave?

The castle is in France, but you’re English. How?

Is it derogatory against English people that you turned into a teapot and the French maid was a sexy feather duster? Also, you were literally objectified, which is not good.

Am I a bad person? I didn’t interrogate these things as a child, but I’m worried now.

Would you be my mother?

But not like, in a way where you would have to carry me inside your teapot cavity… unless that sounds like fun?