1. Dannie the Dolphin replaces Charlie the Tuna as a better Starkist dolphin-safe tuna pitchcreature.
2. In 2003, Sage the “Oops!…I Did It Again” Beaver will supplant 1999’s Nutmeg the Fox as a more appropriate Women’s World Soccer Cup mascot for image-conscious young girls.
3. “Generation Y” will be retroactively renamed “Generation and Sometimes Y.”
4. “Word is bond” is now “word is 007.”
4a. “Word is 007” is now “word is James.”
5. The 411 on “the 411” is that it is now “the 555-1212.”
6. Going forward, all “dot-com” jokes will end with “dot-tv.”
7. Lists will have no more and no fewer than eight items…
8. Unless they have nine.