“The General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) comes into effect across the European Union on May 25, introducing much tougher rules on data privacy.” — CNNTech

- - -

I’ve recently updated my Privacy Policy to increase transparency and comply with the European Union’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR). I value your privacy, at times, and want to make sure you’re aware of your lack of options in controlling the data collected by me, David Tate. I discourage you from reading the policies in full, but below are some highlights:

  • From time to time I collect data on you, a casual acquaintance I know from work, church, the neighborhood, the Internet, or therapy.
  • I promise not to sell this data unless I can think of a way to do so that is worth my time.
  • I have written out a Privacy Policy, full of curse words, which you cannot have a copy of, even if you request it in writing.
  • I reserve the right to use any information I have about you in anecdotes. These stories will start with: “A friend of mine…” even if we are not friends. Sometimes, if the story is really good, I might tell it like it happened to me.
  • If I tell you the story or someone else recognizes who the story is about, I will deny that the story is about you and alter details on the fly to protect your identity and my pride.
  • Anything you tell me, I tell my wife. There are a few exceptions, like if it is boring, stupid but not funny, or I forget it.
  • I reserve the right to make fun of you if you are still on Facebook, and this right will be exercised vigorously (on Twitter).
  • My Email Tracking and Cookie Policy is revised as follows:

    • I don’t have time to read your email, because it is probably as stupid and useless as mine, which I already hate.
    • My cookie policy is that I don’t eat them anymore, because of a whole food diet I’m on, which is none of your goddamn business.
  • I reserve the right to pretend that I don’t know what is going on in your life if and when I see you in person, even though you publicly posted about how you were arrested, had a new baby, started doing CrossFit, or don’t believe the Earth is round (or all of the above). I will use all socially reasonable measures to act surprised in these cases.

The updates to my policies will go into effect on May 25, 2018, at which point your interaction with me, David Tate, will be considered acceptance of our updated terms.

David Tate