Walmart’s Great Value Original Fruit Smiles is not exactly a new food, for the recipe has clearly been handed down through fluorescent generations. But given a recent update, they are truly the only fruit snack worth eating. The only fruit snack with substance, tang, and mouthfeel akin to banana flesh combined with a pencil eraser.
In a nondescript orange pouch, I did not believe they would be good. Especially given that they cost just $2.50 a box. But my son pressed a grape smile into his small, warm palm and shoved it through my clenched jaw as I briefly dozed on the sofa with an NFL game on. I involuntarily chewed and felt the snack adhere to my molars on the deepest level, the 70 percent daily value of vitamin C permeating every bone.
These smile-shaped gems are chewy and perfectly dense. Unlike some of these new fruit snacks that are soft, transparent, and aspic-like in texture. These generic babies take me back to recess in the rain, primary colors, and hitting yourself in the shin with a Skip-It on the playground. If you were alive in the 1980s, this is the fructose hit you’re looking for.
Ironically, these fruit snacks are bursting with orange, lemon, grape, and strawberry flavors that taste truly genuine. Ideal for fans of things like goldfish crackers, Lunchables, and Kid Cuisine, they are the perfect midafternoon to midnight staple.
As a family, we’d sort of forsaken the generic fruit snacks for lush organic bunnies, real fruit juice “Funables,” or Sonic and Pixar-based shapes. Why? The recipe for Wal-Mart’s generic delights contains every artificial color known to modern chemistry, plus carnauba wax. Also corn and a syrup made from corn. Additionally, the box notes it may have come into contact with every tree nut, plus eggs, soy, and dairy. No one is safe, and that’s really the most ’80s vibe ever. No more fancy, branded fruit pouches for this household. I will be eating these until they are no longer produced due to FDA regulations.