“I think we overanalyze Trump. He’s not complicated… he’s a horrible human being. He’s a bad, bad guy. And every single day — every single day — you, I, and everybody watching us right now is reminded of how damn unfit he is.” — Former Republican Representative and potential GOP presidential primary challenger Joe Walsh

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President Trump is unfit for office.

His abominable qualities — his racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, ableism, anti-Semitism, and total disregard for anyone other than himself — are completely unacceptable to the American people. He does not represent the country that elected him.

That’s why I, a principled Republican, am announcing a primary challenge to unseat Donald Trump as our 2020 nominee. Not because I oppose any of his policies. In fact, I’m a huge fan of everything his administration has done.

No, it’s his personal conduct; his oafish behavior; the tweets; the disgusting comments he makes at his rallies; and the way he has upended every norm and tradition that Washington has ever stood for.

In other words: he is really, really bad at hiding his selfishness and disdain for marginalized people. You should vote for me because I’m not.

I am horrified by Trump’s brazenly misogynist comments about women. As president, I would show women the utmost respect while systematically stripping them of their reproductive rights and access to healthcare.

I am deeply disturbed by his callous, tacit support for white supremacists. When tragedy strikes, and white nationalism is to blame, Trump does nothing about gun laws, and then refuses to name the evil forces responsible. I would name the evil forces responsible long before doing nothing about gun laws.

I am appalled by the anti-immigrant sentiment that he openly instigates. As a rational conservative, I oppose overt racism just as strongly as I refuse to believe in systemic racism. I would never make a crowd chant “send her back!” about a refugee woman at a rally. One, because it’s a cruel thing to say. And two, because during my presidency, we’re not going to be accepting any refugees in the first place.

And we cannot stand by as our president relentlessly lies to reporters multiple times a day. I would bring the White House back to the classic presidential relationship to the press: almost never talking to them. You can’t lie if you’re not telling anyone what the executive branch is doing!

But don’t worry: I still would have nominated Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. But the key difference there? I would have done it while looking like Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh. And lo, the appearance of honor would be restored to the Oval Office.

By the way, I’m an equal opportunity offender. I’ll attack anyone, regardless of party, if I believe they’re in the wrong — and also if it attracts more listeners to my daytime talk radio show. I railed against Barack Obama while he was president for dragging this country to the left, and now I do the same thing with Donald Trump. Who I also believe is too far to the left.

But we don’t need to go into too much detail about what my ideal America would look like, because that doesn’t get me any love from Resistance Twitter. (Seriously, check out my engagement — it’s wild.)

Just remember these core principles that I hold dear: I am not Donald Trump. He is not who we are, and he is not who I am. I could not be further from being Donald Trump, because I inhabit an entirely different body. I am someone else.

I long for the days of the respectable Republican Party. Mitt Romney would never have advocated for policies like “separating children from their families at the border.” Instead, he believed in “self-deportation” — allowing immigrants to return to their home countries, of their own volition, because they can’t bear to face the deterrents we put in place. Deterrents like, say, separating children from their families at the border. Just to name a random example.

And before Romney, we could look to the late, great Senator John McCain. He would never have been so uncouth as to claim he would “bomb the shit” out of ISIS. Instead, he delicately described his foreign policy through the lens of popular song: “bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.

And of course, we must never forget the untarnished legacy of the greatest president of the 21st century: George W. Bush. I’m sure he’s outraged at all of the terrible things Donald Trump has said and done these past few years. (I’m sure of this because all of my consultants are former George W. Bush advisors.)

Trump’s thoughtless gaffes and moronic misstatements have made us a laughing stock on the world stage, and I pledge that if elected, I will return us to the glistening gold rhetorical standard that George W. Bush established.

The Republican Party is at a pivotal moment in our history. When the world looks back at the choices we made in this election, they will see one of two realities. Either we will stand firmly behind a president who blatantly embraces the most vile depravities that plague our shores…

Or, we will stand up, make a change, and nominate a Republican who lets his actions speak for themselves.