- The age of a person who doesn’t want to talk to you.
- How old the person backpedaling away from you is.
- How many inches taller you’re attempting to make your shriveling body appear to the person by jumping up and down constantly.
- The number printed on the football jersey you borrowed from a college intern at work and are wearing in hopes of passing as a flourishing athlete.
- The person hurrying to unlock an automobile and seal away inside it, narrowly avoiding interaction with the elderly human anatomy belonging to you? How long that person has existed on this earth.
- Your total attempts at a youthful posture performed agonizingly in the light of the headlamps as the person revs the engine in warning.
- Miles per hour the car is moving when the person in the moving car squashes a hopping quarterback, maybe-grandparent, with a moving car.
- The amount of birthdays the person has enjoyed without you and will continue to enjoy without you over and over, many times over and again; the person having driven incalculable miles to a remote land in order to enjoy all future birthdays not in your graying, squashed presence; forever and ever until eternity, the person enjoying birthdays without you.
- Upon inspecting your prostrate body in the rear view mirror, what the person would rate you on a scale of 1 to 100 (-7 if you are overly squashed, +5 if you have a nice personality).