Sex-positive women are kinky and down for anything with anyone, all the time.

Sex-positive women take a strong positive stance on having sex with me, instead of being wishy-washy like my ex-wife.

Sex-positive women are hot. Not all hot women are sex-positive, because I have met some hot women who do not want to have sex with me, but I’m pretty sure all sex-positive women are hot. That’s why Bumble uses the chili pepper emoji to indicate sex-positivity, which is appropriate, because a small red vegetable commonly associated with hotness is definitely adequate to represent the entire spectrum of sex-positivity.

Sex-positive women are open-minded, and by “open-minded,” I mean accepting of me and not saying, “That’s weird, Brian,” like my ex-fiancée.

Sex-positive women are impulsive and adventurous. They don’t say things like, “Could we do a phone chat first?” or “Would you be willing to share a last name before we meet in person?” Looking me up on LinkedIn is not sex-positive.

Sex-positive women are politically liberal, which means generous with sending pics and stuff.

Sex-positive women are 100 percent pro-sex, 100 percent of the time. They don’t “get headaches” or “need some space from Brian,” and they don’t suddenly get “the ick” like my ex-girlfriend from college.

Sex-positive women keep a positive attitude about having sex with me. They have a cheerful and hopeful outlook regardless of the quality of any particular encounter or the ongoing totality of encounters they might experience while in bed with me.