“The Ladies Who Lunch” (Company): You consider yourself to be “above” social media but are addicted to it nonetheless. You’re still incensed over how Game of Thrones ended, especially for Cersei Lannister. You don’t tip well.
“Giants in the Sky” (Into the Woods): You are a Disney adult who genuinely enjoys the Hall of Presidents. You own slippers that look like an animal. You have bangs.
“A Little Priest” (Sweeney Todd): You were on your college improv team. You own multiple T-shirts with puns on them. You’re not afraid to repeat a joke louder if nobody laughed the first time.
“Our Time” (Merrily We Roll Along): You unironically use the phrase “those were the days.” You posted a picture for every #ThrowbackThursday until you ran out of childhood photos, at which point you started again from the beginning. You still have your old retainers.
“Comedy Tonight” (A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum): You always order fries for the table. You defend an adult’s right to laugh at farts. You wish more young people have seen Mel Brooks’s History of the World, Part I.
“No One Is Alone” (Into The Woods): You spend time thinking about your own funeral. You love viral videos featuring unlikely animal friendships. You have a close relationship with your aunt who wears chunky jewelry.
“I’m Still Here” (Follies): You have an Etsy shop devoted to Golden Girls-themed cross-stitch. You respect Lady Gaga and Dua Lipa but have, on multiple occasions, said out loud, “they don’t make divas like they used to.” Your favorite pattern is “anything floral.”
“Unworthy of Your Love” (Assassins): You host a true-crime podcast. You lecture on how Joker was derivative of Scorsese. You correct people’s pronunciation of “Scorsese.”
“Send in the Clowns” (A Little Night Music): You are the fanciest person in your friend group. You say that coffee just “doesn’t taste the same” when it’s in a cardboard cup. You know that you and Princess Diana would have been best friends had you ever gotten the chance to meet.
“Being Alive” (Company): You prefer cuddling to sex. You can only fall asleep if you’re listening to NPR. You drink your coffee black.
“Finishing the Hat” (Sunday in the Park with George): You have depression, the kind that makes you want to create something outside of yourself as a means of validating your own existence. Your favorite tea is Earl Grey. You prefer dogs over cats and also humans.
“Barcelona” (Company): You have depression, but the horny kind. You either use sex as a coping mechanism or your sex drive is not affected by SSRIs. You say “Barcelona” when referring to the song but “Barthelona” when referring to the city.
“America” (West Side Story): You don’t care that purists don’t consider this a “Sondheim song” because he only wrote the lyrics. You’re more of a dancer. You had friends in high school.