I know what you’re thinking: How did we miss this gaping hole in our editorial staff? I have the kind of attitude and experience that I think the kids on your site really want. They’ll never ask for it — but believe me they want it!

For example, who else has their finger on the pulse of who’s hot right now (Penn Badgley obvs?) and can compare those people to their Gen-X counterparts (Balthazar Getty and/or early career Skeet Ulrich ftw [read: for the win]) in an amusing listicle, slideshow, or shareable quiz?

And that whole Gen-X vs. Millennial thing? Not an issue. I love millennials. If you ask me, they’re the greatest generation, thank you very much, Mr. Tom Brokaw. They must be since every boss I’ve had in the last five years is one!

If you really want to nit-pick, I’m actually on the cusp of Gen-X. Never owned a copy of Ten or Out of Time. I mean, I had Nevermind and The Color and the Shape on CD, but literally everyone did.

I also say “literally” constantly, never giving hardly any thought to whether or not it adheres strictly to the dictionary definition, which makes me relatable to a younger demo. My usage is never forced, though. It just naturally falls into my everyday convo. And, speaking of my music, I recently got rid of all my physical media. Literally every single CD! Even many of my cassette tapes!

Also! I Do. Not. Have. Kids. So don’t worry about any bad “dad jokes.” My consciousness has not/will not go through that paradigm shift. I see the world as a single, unattached man with responsibilities to no one but myself… and your teen blog!

Interests? Well, I really like Taylor Swift, for starters! “Blank Check” is super fun. And Ed Sheeran? Love. Harry Potter? Obsessed. Penn Badgley? Captivated.

But… But! Here’s where my strength is. I can drop them all immediately and get obsessed with a whole new set of cool things. Like, say for example, if tomorrow a sex tape of T-Swift came out (!!!) and her fans all left her, and the next big thing to take her place was… I don’t know… a throwback swing music revival. I’d be ready. Or if everyone turned their backs on Harry Potter and that was replaced with a cult-like obsession with Infinite Jest and early career Philip Roth. I’d be there for you, ready to swing to the next vine with just as much enthusiasm as Penn Badgley when he typed his famous catch phrase “Gossip Girl!” BTW, spoiler alert… Penn Badgley was the Gossip Girl!