As the lead recruiter for a large corporation, I have hundreds of cover letters cross my desk daily. People often ask, “Are cover letters still really that important?” Well, the answer is a resounding “YES.” Because, while utterly useless as a job application tool, cover letters are an incredibly important part of building a miniature town made of paper. And that’s really what this has all been about.

I joined this field with a few simple goals: I wanted to help grow the staff of companies by attracting top industry talent. I wanted to foster a working atmosphere that was pleasant and professional. And, like everyone who chooses this line of work, I’m a small-scale hobbyist who wants to build the coolest miniature town made of cover letters anyone has ever seen.

Today, I am pleased to announce that one of these goals is finally within reach.

Our talent management team has fielded thousands of applications during my tenure. Job openings across every department are enticing candidates in numerous disciplines, while cover letters continue to flood my office each day. And although none of those letters has resulted in the hiring of a single employee, they have allowed me to start building a village made entirely out of paper.

Still, I need more.

We employ some of the best recruiters in the country. It is thanks to this group that we are inundated with thoughtful outlines of skills from job seekers all over the world. Personally, I have always felt strongly that no cover letter should be ignored. I know how time-consuming they are to draft and how frustrating it is for candidates to feel that they are merely sending a PDF into the void. That is why I ensure every one of these letters is carefully reviewed, folded, and eventually incorporated into my Victorian or Tudor-style replicas.

After my colleagues have all left for the day, that is when my real work begins. That is when my origami figurines look to me, their God, for answers. Because at night, the village comes alive. When will you build our churches and fire stations? they wonder. We need a public transportation system, they cry. But my dwindling supply of cover letters has not allowed me to keep up with their demands.

You see, a city of this magnitude cannot simply be constructed from just a few sheets of paper. For it takes a great deal of material to erect the infrastructure of a Lilliputian metropolis. That is why I have advertised job openings so aggressively since I began my time here. Because we need thousands of cover letters to form a structure from which I may one day rule my kingdom. Now my stronghold is nearly finished.

Alas, we need more cover letters. For my time to reign draws nigh.

So, beginning this month, we are opening our referral program to the public and offering a generous bonus for any recommendations received. That means if you have friends or colleagues that you feel may be a good fit for one of our posted positions, I would encourage you to have them submit a cover letter (or two, or three) directly to me at their convenience. In fact, just have them forward along as many copies as possible. It doesn’t matter what they do, or have done, or claim they want to do. As long as the integrity of the paper stock can withstand a load-bearing environment, I will find a spot for every bullet point list of relevant experience somewhere within my battlements.

So please do your part to help us keep those cover letters rolling in. Or if you know any Senior Software Engineers with Ruby on Rails experience and a “no task is too small” attitude, we apparently need those too.