My start-down is called “Blake”—after the founder, me, Blake. If you’re unfamiliar with start-downs, no problem, everyone’s here to learn. Really, the only difference between a start-down and the traditional Silicon Valley “start-up” is the process. Rather than having an idea, pitching it to investors, and working tirelessly to see that idea come to life, a start-down begins with everything: a great education, tons of money, and endless opportunity. The start-down then joins an established company and runs it right into the ground through manipulation, negligence and greed. Some people say it’s better than a start-up. Not a ton of people, but some.
Have you ever heard of Garret? It was a small start-down out of Denver—somewhat of a legend in the industry. Garret convinced a bunch of people they could afford to buy a home when he knew, in the long run, they couldn’t. His start-down was so successful that it became a major player in creating a seemingly irreversible downward trend in the global economy. Classic start-down stuff.
Chip is another good one. He’s no Garret, but it’s still a really fun start-down based in Houston. Chip sells 401(k) plans but instead of investing the money he keeps it for himself. It’s like, how has no one thought of that before? I don’t think his bosses have any idea. It just goes to show that the best ideas are the simplest ones. I have a good feeling about Chip.
Every start-down has a different story. We can’t all be Garrets. Blake began 33 years ago in a wealthy suburb outside of Baltimore. I was always a bit of a dreamer, a big picture kind of guy. I wanted more for myself—but in the most literal interpretation of that expression. I attended a prestigious academy high school. From there I went to a prestigious university. During that time I landed a couple of internships through family friends. Things were going great—but I didn’t want to just be an employee, a cog in the capitalism machine—I wanted to make a difference, a really, really bad difference. So when my internship turned into a full-time job, I started Blake. Ever since then I’ve been putting my ideas to work, taking things one day at a time, and doing my best to destroy America from within.
Blake is a start-down with the heart of a start-up. At Blake, we’re all about connectivity: bringing people, information and ideas together in one place. That place is what’s known as “hypothetical condominiums.” They’re hypothetical only in the sense that they don’t exist. You see, I work for a large, publicly traded development firm. And this project is definitely affiliated with them. Yes, that’s their logo right there on the bottom of the page. But enough about them. I’m here to get you in on the ground floor. Here are some pictures—well, drawings, actually, but you get the idea. With your help and money we can make these condos a reality. Not only will they be unaffordable, Blake also promises to only get halfway finished with construction before I’m on the other side of the world—leaving you without a cent to your name and leaving your community with the rusty exoskeleton of a high-rise condominium. It’s Blake’s little way of giving back.
Ladies and gentlemen, everyone has a dream. I just want you to pay to see mine come true. Now who’s in? All of you? Great!