Write Drunk
Edit Sober
Re-Write Drunk
Ask Your Roommate for Notes On It Sober
Tell Him Thanks But What You Were Actually Thinking of a Different Direction Sober
Convince Yourself He Doesn’t Know Anything Anyway Drunk
Re-Edit Sober
Submit For Consideration Drunk
Wait Sober
Wait Drunk
Wait Sober
Wait Drunk
Wait Sober
Wait Drunk
Get Rejected Sober
Get Drunk
Repeatedly Ask Yourself Who Would Ever Actually Want to Read Your Garbage Sober
Realize That No Matter How Many Times Your Writing is Denied, You Labored Over This, and You Forged It, Alchemy-Like, From Your Own Psyche, Your Own Creative Engine — Why, You Created Art, Damn It, Art, and Nobody Can Take That Away From You, Drunk
Reread and Hate It Sober
Read a David Sedaris Essay Sober
Agonize Over How You’ll Never Write Anything As Good As David Sedaris Sober
Read a Dan Brown Novel Drunk
Agonize Over How You’ll Never Write Anything As Good As David Sedaris Drunk
Consider Submitting to Just a Few Other Publications Drunk
Consider Getting Your MFA Drunk
Consider Texting Your Ex Drunk
Consider Getting a Judge Judy Tattoo Drunk
Pass Out Drunk
Wake Up Drunk
Apologize to Your Roommate Sober
Apologize to Your Ex Sober
Apologize to Whoever Runs Judge Judy’s Social Media Accounts Sober
Re-Read Your Piece, One Last Time, Sober
Sigh Sober
Post It On Medium Drunk