Some Trial of Reckoning, huh, Jerry? Never thought we’d live to see the day… if you can call this any kind of life, of course. Or “day,” now that I think about it. Hard to tell the time when the Dread Lord stretched that human flesh canvas across the sky to blot out the sun.

Anyway, I saw yesterday’s news the same as you, but honestly, I don’t know why people are so worked up about it. So another one of Nyarlathotep’s resurrected nether-daemons somehow managed to liberate themselves from their psychic shackles within the Blood Palace’s Room of Gnashing Misery? Good on them. And they did it while also smuggling out a grimoire containing potentially vital Outer God reversal incantations? Interesting, maybe I’ll give them a read on my Kindle when the book comes out in a couple months. Still, I don’t see the big rush to summon this one daemon to the Infernal Cosmic Council to recount yet another litany of horrific allegations concerning the Black Pharaoh. What could a vindictive, mustachioed mound of sentient war-mongering snot have on the Dread Lord that could possibly damage His hold on reality? Especially after Nyarlathotep has repeatedly insisted His telepathic frenzy ritual with that minor shoggoth was perfect!

If you ask me, this whole Trial of Reckoning thing seems a bit desperate. It’s yet another mad scramble by the Human Husk Party to try and subvert Nyarlathotep and the sadistic legion that conjured him into the Oval Office in the first place. And, oh man, don’t get me started on the whole “the majority of us didn’t even summon Him” argument, Jerry. Besides, it’s not like those extra three million voters could prove who they supported now, anyway… not after that first Culling.

You know as well as I do this great, decomposing nation’s Founding Fathers designed a perfect system of checks and balances to ensure no one single death cult wielded an inordinate amount of power over its citizens. Sure, maybe they didn’t anticipate this particular necromantic cabal of sadistic cruelty infiltrating every branch of American government, but that’s what the Midterms were for! It’s not my fault the Human Husk Party’s leaders bartered the last fragments of their withered souls away for what was clearly the Dread Lord Nyarlathotep’s empty promise of fleeting succor as He barely contained a mind-rending cackle.

Look, I’m hoping just as much as you are that we’ll find us a sensible, moderate candidate following the primary orgies. Someone not too radically sane or physically intact, but who makes a convincing case to return to the kind of middle-of-the-road moral blasphemy and planetary destruction we were used to before this whole mess started. There’s no need to pick a candidate who veers too far into the realm of hope and restorative justice — that would just risk alienating those in Nyarlathotep’s mind-melded horde who might suddenly, inexplicably break rank after years in the Outer God’s service.

Drawing out this whole Reckoning Ordeal with a never-ending cast of two or three key witnesses won’t win us any favors with the Necro-Party, is all I’m saying here. Call me driven insane by all this senseless, illogical inhumanity, but I think this tragically slim chance of winning them over is our real key to success during the next eon or two. After all, this is chess, not checkers, Jerry. Even if you’re playing with one functioning hand and the other side has a mass of shrieking, malodorous tentacles.

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