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Articles by
Chas Gillespie
Chas is a writer, comedian, and teacher whose work appears in The New Yorker, The Onion, and McSweeney’s, where he contributes regularly. Feel free to reach out to him through his website, chaschaschas.com. He is currently at work on a novel.
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January 11, 2023What to Do with Your Twitter Account Now That Elon Musk Has Given Control of the Company to a Translucent Floating Orb Full of Crane Eggs
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December 5, 2022An Honest Lease Agreement
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November 8, 2022NIMBY Public Comment Bingo
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October 31, 2022The Estate of Édouard Manet Wishes to Remind Museum Visitors That the Best Way to Prevent Climate Change Is to Throw Bucket After Bucket of Hot Sloppy Soup on the Eminently Mediocre Paintings of That Son of a Bitch Monet
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August 3, 2022Hell’s Department of Suffering and Horror Is Now Accepting Applications for the Next National Nightmare
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July 1, 2022FAQ: Freedom
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January 3, 2022Public Health Terminology, Explained
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November 10, 2021I’m Confused Why All These People Are Quitting Jobs That Pay No Money and Make Them Want to Die
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November 4, 2020Let’s Allow the Illegitimate Supreme Court to Decide What’s Fair
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October 12, 2020As a Republican Senator, I Stand With Democracy Activists in Hong Kong, Belarus, and Other Countries That Aren’t the United States
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July 2, 2020We Have Heard Your Complaints About Police Brutality and We Are Solving the Problem By Inserting a CGI Black Character Into Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
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May 7, 2020I Strongly Support the MeToo Movement Unless It Negatively Impacts Me
Trending 🔥
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January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
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January 10, 2023Fifteen Long-Overdue Slang Terms for Female Masturbation
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October 30, 2009Letters From the Hellbox: Caslon, Baskerville, and Franklin: Revolutionary Types
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January 23, 2023What Colleges’ Emails Read Like to High School Seniors
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February 6, 2023Oh, Look at Mr. Fancy Pants Over Here Eating His Eggs
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February 6, 2023Wedding Dress Codes Certain to Impress and Befuddle Your Guests
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February 3, 2023Our New AP African-American Studies Course Will Cover Black History from January 1996 to December 1996
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February 3, 2023FAQ: Is My Child Eating Enough Pirate’s Booty?