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Articles by
John Flowers
John Flowers is a TV producer covering politics at MSNBC. He also writes humor for McSweeney’s and the New Yorker.
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November 22, 2019If You Ever Want to See Your Grandchild Again, You’ll Subscribe to Our New Streaming Network
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May 15, 2017The Secret White House Tapes
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February 14, 2017The CDC Has Issued a Quarantine Order for All the Lovey-Dovey Crap You See On Valentine’s Day
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December 15, 2015Finding the Right Neurosurgeon for You
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August 13, 2015Donald Trump, Through the Ages
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August 27, 2014The Following Content is Sponsored by Your Parents
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October 23, 2013Bar Trivia Night
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July 11, 2013Obi-Wan, Can You Stop Saying “Sand People”? It’s Kind of Racist
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May 8, 2013A Message to Shareholders About Our New $70 Million Purchase of “Elevator Pass.”
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October 22, 2012Election 20,012 B.C.: Where the Candidates Stand On the Issues
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July 13, 2012Attention Cable and Satellite Subscribers: This Network is Being Dropped Because Your Provider is Being a Giant Douche
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June 6, 2012Prospectus for Silicon Valley’s Next Hot Tech IPO, Where Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong
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January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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January 10, 2023Fifteen Long-Overdue Slang Terms for Female Masturbation
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October 30, 2009Letters From the Hellbox: Caslon, Baskerville, and Franklin: Revolutionary Types
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February 3, 2023Our New AP African-American Studies Course Will Cover Black History from January 1996 to December 1996
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February 3, 2023FAQ: Is My Child Eating Enough Pirate’s Booty?
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February 2, 2023Two People Who Don’t Have Cable TV Talk About How They Don’t Have Cable TV, and How Great That Makes Them
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February 2, 2023Elden Ring or Tenure-Track Professor?