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Articles by
Tom Smyth
Tom Smyth is a writer from New York. His writing has previously appeared in the thank you notes from his high school graduation party. He enjoys reading, watching television, and writing about himself in the third person.
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December 10, 2021We’re Sorry, You Can’t Join Our Street Gang Because You Don’t Know Ballet
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May 6, 2021I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp
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March 10, 2021Oprah’s Tell-All Interviews with Other Princesses
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January 13, 2021Excerpts from the Sex and the City Revival in Which Samantha Is Replaced with Fran Lebowitz
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December 21, 2020The Nativity Pageant Cast List That Ensures Every Child Has a Role
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November 4, 2020We Must Stop Democrats From Stealing This Election by Trying to Count Votes
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June 9, 2020Billy Joel’s “Scenes From an Italian Restaurant That Closed Due to Coronavirus”
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May 4, 2020I Keep Checking My Mailbox for My Stimulus Check, But I’m Only Getting Time-Traveling Letters from Keanu Reeves in The Lake House
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December 30, 2019I Don’t Think a Woman Is Electable In 2020 Because Last Time Around the Female Nominee Only Got Three Million More Votes Than Her Opponent
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September 16, 2019“Cancel Culture” Is Dangerous Because Everybody Deserves Redemption and the Right to Work, Except Actresses Who Turn 40
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November 15, 2018I Haven’t Even Started Thinking About Running for President in 2020, Despite What Those Campaign Buttons I Made Might Suggest
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July 17, 2018Donald Trump Reinterprets Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides, Now”
Trending 🔥
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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May 2, 2022Welcome to the Middle-Aged Restaurant. Please Stop Complaining
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May 2, 2016I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers