ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Tom Smyth
Tom Smyth is a writer from New York. His writing has previously appeared in the thank you notes from his high school graduation party. He enjoys reading, watching television, and writing about himself in the third person.
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July 24, 2024Table Options for Your Dinner Reservation
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April 3, 2024Emails from My Dentist That Would Actually Make Me Schedule an Appointment
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February 27, 2024A Marketing Consultant Visits Mrs. Lovett’s Pie Shop
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December 22, 2023This Woman in Labor Is Gonna Love My Drumming
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September 7, 2023Types of Acting Still Permitted Under SAG-AFTRA’s Strike Rules
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May 31, 2022Excerpts from Ina Garten’s Anarchist Cookbook
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December 10, 2021We’re Sorry, You Can’t Join Our Street Gang Because You Don’t Know Ballet
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May 6, 2021I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp
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March 10, 2021Oprah’s Tell-All Interviews with Other Princesses
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January 13, 2021Excerpts from the Sex and the City Revival in Which Samantha Is Replaced with Fran Lebowitz
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December 21, 2020The Nativity Pageant Cast List That Ensures Every Child Has a Role
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November 4, 2020We Must Stop Democrats From Stealing This Election by Trying to Count Votes
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian