1. Jasper Dynamite
Started YouTubing in middle school. Creates content about harassing his mom. Has no teeth.

2. Abdul Sampson
Teaches other losers how to play video games. Makes more money than you ever will.

3. Rebecca Rainbow
Makeup guru. Vehemently denies getting plastic surgery despite prominent second nose. Great at winged eyeliner.

4. Jordan
Hot until you find out he’s 17. Exclusively vlogs while driving. No one knows his last name or what his feet look like.

5. Elizabeth Mary
DIY queen. Literal queen. Making hats by hand is her escape from draining monarchical duties.

6. Mindy Freeman
Health and fitness freak. Lives to make you feel motivated and terrible. Anne Hathaway’s cousin but only brings it up when relevant.

7. Serena James
Vegan. Has never cut her hair. Beautiful but in a way that terrifies. Being held captive by a gang of chimpanzees.

8. Deangelo Domingo
Posts videos with sports commentary and analysis. Constantly telling viewers to comment down below. Clearly affecting a British accent.

9. Frederica Wills
Leading voice on celebrity gossip. Talks so quickly it just comes out as a buzzing sound. From Florida.

10. Schmitty Clark
Veiny neck. Has a promo code for vapes. Trying to live up to his one viral video in which he stabbed a waiter.

11. Darrell Banks
Just trying to teach the world about botany. Your mom likes him. Runs a second account devoted to butt play.

12. Seth Hunt
Living off-the-grid. Accidentally killed his wife in a canning incident. Coming out with a merch line next January.

13. Jenise Pryor
Singer-songwriter. Really good at making that boom-kat drum noise with her mouth. Invisible.