Summer is here, which means you’ll be exposing your most precious bits of skin to the unworthy masses. But worry not! These high-waisted bathing suits are just high enough to hide your belly button, also known as The Second Vagina.
1. Burgundy Boho Print
Bring boho back and keep the navel-gazers at bay with this vintage-inspired glorified diaper, and because your little lint collector is for your hubby’s eyes only!
2. Strappy Ring Balconette
Victoria’s got a secret, and so do you! And it’s hidden underneath this shiny piece of fabric, only to be leered at by one man that you’re legally bound to.
3. Amourri Womens Vintage Polka
Underwire High Waisted Swimsuit
Get retro with this high-waisted two-piece that may as well be a one-piece. Drive your husband wild by reminding him that only he can see the spot where your umbilical cord was severed and you finally became a sole entity in this world. And don’t forget to put sunblock on the underboob stripe!
4. Solkissed Samantha Bikini
Trick wayward beachcombers into thinking that your vagina goes on for days with this super high-waisted suit! But we know the truth, there are two vaginas under there — the regular one and the other one, which must be hidden from the world, for a lady never exposes her second vagina to any man unless it’s part of her dowry.
REMEMBER: Keep that innie IN this summer and stay pure in the eyes of your husband!