“As Texas was battered by an icy storm and widespread power losses that left millions of residents freezing and fearing for their safety, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas left the state on Wednesday and traveled to Mexico for a previously planned family vacation, according to a person with direct knowledge of the trip.”
New York Times, 2/18/21

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Have you had a rough couple of months? Did you try to lead an insurrection against your own government? Did a pesky winter storm knock out the power and water for most of your state? Are you generally considered one of the worst humans alive and saw the vacuum left by Rush Limbaugh’s death as a chance to do something truly reprehensible?

Well, sounds like you could use a little time in beautiful Cancún, the premier destination for those looking to abandon their constituents during an unprecedented crisis. And while you may not be a fan of the Green New Deal, we know you’ll love our great new deals on hotels and airfare.

Cancún is a wonderful destination that’s more than just a place to make terrible decisions on your spring break; it’s a place where you can make terrible decisions at any age, no matter how much responsibility you have. Sure, sitting in a luxury hotel on the beach while people are helplessly freezing to death back home may seem “cruel” or “out of touch,” but now is not the time to find a conscience.

After soaking up some sun and taking some time for peace and relaxation, you might find yourself in the mood for some culture. You can take a trip to Chichen Itza to view the historic monuments of a formerly great civilization. But don’t think about it as a metaphor; think of it as a place that literally has the same amount of electricity as your state that you abandoned. Maybe you can even spin the trip as an investigation into how a civilization survived without electricity for so long since you have no real interest in solving Texas’ current power crisis. Besides, your whole party’s platform is about putting “America first,” and no one said that couldn’t apply that to the first place you flee to in times of trouble.

No trip to Cancún would be complete without a visit to the famous Señor Frog’s. What better way to commemorate your trip than by picking up a Señor Frog’s Cancún T-shirt? In fact, why stop at one? If you happen to know millions of people who are freezing, a nice warm T-shirt can really go a long way in saying, “Hey, I was thinking about you before I went on my trip and still decided to go anyway.” Plus, they come in long sleeves for added warmth.

During tough times, it’s important to let people know that as their elected official you feel their pain will do all you can to help them. So send out a few “sincere” and “compassionate” tweets and then catch the next plane out of town for a few days of fun and sun in Cancún! Best of all, you can sleep easy in one of our luxurious resorts knowing your base will still support you since this isn’t even the worst thing you’ve done this year.