Are you lying on a couch made of soft, red velvet? Or is your couch a stained hand-me-down made of an unknown material from your Aunt Lisa, who bought the couch in 1987?
Are you surrounded by luscious vines under a bright blue, cloudless sky? Or are you in complete darkness of your own two-bedroom, 700-square-foot apartment?
Are you gazing off into the distance, dreaming about love? Or is your mind numb from scrolling through world atrocities on Twitter for three hours?
Is a man feeding you cherries one by one, letting you spit the pit into his hands? Or are you shoveling Harvest Cheddar SunChips into your mouth?
Do your long, luscious curls fall to your waist, decorated with a crown of fresh white daisies? Or is your dirty hair in a messy bun, sprinkled with chip crumbs?
Is there a pure white dove resting on your shoulder? Or is your dog licking cheese crumbs from your face?
Are you wearing a sheer silk robe? Or are you covered with a quilt made of your soccer T-shirts from junior high school?
Are you taking an afternoon nap in the prairie sunlight on a warm June day? Or did you fall asleep at 1 AM while watching your fifteenth episode It’s Always Sunny?
Are you sipping sweet red wine out of a golden goblet? Or are you drinking a $5 wine cooler through a straw?
Is a young man in tights gently caressing your face, lusting over you? Or did Jake from Tinder ghost you on Tuesday?
Is another beautiful nude woman reading mythology to you while you rest your eyes? Or is your roommate yelling at you because your bare ass is on the couch?
Are you covering your crotch with a decorative seashell? Or are you wearing Hanes cotton underwear from 2009 because your roommate was pissed that your bare ass was on the couch?
Is an angel cherub flying above you playing the harp while the heavens open up? Or is your roommate’s boyfriend very uncomfortable that he saw his girlfriend’s roommate’s bare ass?