“Republicans in Georgia sped a sweeping elections bill into law Thursday, making it the first presidential battleground to impose new voting restrictions following President Joe Biden’s victory in the state… The new law imposes new voter identification requirements for absentee ballots, empowers state officials to take over local elections boards, limits the use of ballot drop boxes, and makes it a crime to approach voters in line to give them food and water.” — CNN 3/26/21

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I’m a firm believer in the Constitution — the infallible blueprint for good governance written 234 years ago by a group of wealthy white men who founded our country because they didn’t like paying taxes. And as an ardent defender of this sacred text, I vehemently oppose any restrictions to our rights that aren’t explicitly outlined in that document.

Unless, of course, it’s a restriction designed to prevent something bad from happening, like large numbers of Black voters legally casting ballots.

Any reasonable person would agree that even our most fundamental rights should come with a few regulations and safeguards to ensure that people don’t abuse those rights for nefarious purposes. And I can think of nothing more dangerous to society than making voting a straightforward and simple process that every citizen of age has equitable access to. Think of how much damage a ballot can do in the wrong hands? Voters have the power to hire and fire our elected officials with the stroke of a no. 2 pencil. Shouldn’t we make sure that certain people don’t have ready access to that kind of firepower? Specifically, BIPOC folks who have a long history of using the ballot box to fight for better living conditions and improve the country?

Georgia recently witnessed a tragedy that has traumatized its citizens and finally gave legislators the courage to say enough and pass laws that will make it much harder for this sort of senseless loss to happen in the future. No longer will two perfectly good, non-financial-crime-committing Senators lose their elections to a Black man and a Jew. The carnage we witnessed — where throngs of fully eligible Black people exercised their right to tragically cut the careers of these innocent politicians short — should never happen in the great state of Georgia, and, rest assured, we won’t let it happen again.

It’s also worth noting that our founding fathers never even intended for the Constitution to extend voting rights carte blanche to all citizens of age the way these voting-nuts argue it should be interpreted now. So wouldn’t a couple of practical reforms just make sense? Sure, our country has ratified several constitutional amendments directly related to who has access to the ballot so that states like ours couldn’t use ballot access to discriminate against people. But what are our continuous attempts to subvert those amendments if not the founding fathers’ original, untarnished vision of the Constitution persevering?

Besides, don’t think for a moment that my push for sensible restrictions should be limited to the right to vote. It’s become abundantly clear that women can’t be trusted to make decisions about their own bodies. As someone who is staunchly pro-life, I believe the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is inalienable and extends from the moment of conception all the way until the moment of birth. After that, you’re on your own, obviously.

The same logic applies to free speech. Just because someone explicitly tells a crowd of people to commit violence, and they commit violence, doesn’t mean that person should be held accountable for those actions. Words are just words. On the other hand, I think we can all agree that we should ban music videos where a gorgeous gay Black man slides down from heaven on a stripper pole to give Satan a lap dance, or songs where a woman acknowledges that vaginas exist. Those types of words have the unstoppable power to corrupt and indoctrinate our youth with dangerous notions, like the idea that it’s okay to be gay, or Black, or a woman.

That’s why I’m thankful for the new voter restrictions in Georgia, and I hope other legislators around the country will make election safety a priority in their states. Because we all understand the only way to stop a bad voter with a ballot is with draconian restrictions that make it impossible for them to exercise their fundamental rights. And we all know what I mean when I say a “bad voter” (hint: it rhymes with ‘snack’).

So let’s get more laws like this one passed. If we do, I have a good feeling that this century is going to be a white boy century — just as our founding fathers would have wanted.