Dear Lady Writer,
Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that your joke is about to be repeated by a man. Our editors received dozens of submissions this evening, but yours stood out to us as deserving of wide distribution and critical acclaim. You make a joke, we repeat it, everyone laughs.
Now in its 10,000th year of publication, Repeated Louder By a Man continues to deliver high-quality work in the stentorian, authoritative timbre to which our subscribers are accustomed. Your submission hit the intersection of snide, niche, and crude that we value, which, frankly, was surprising to see from a chick. Again, congratulations.
You may be thinking, “I didn’t submit. I just made a joke within earshot of a man.” That’s the best part: our editors are everywhere. They hear everything. We take great pride in how accessible, even unavoidable, our submission process has proven to be.
Publication in Repeated Louder By a Man has taken many jokes to greater heights than they would have reached on their own. Our last issue alone was awarded four fist bumps. Contributors have gone on to be recognized further in Dude, Where’s That From and ‘Anchorman,’ Right? Notable contributors include those we’d love to tell you more about, but we don’t remember their names or what they look like.
Several of our writers struggled for years to receive recognition before their first acceptance. Some even resorted to self-publication. (We don’t recommend this, as your work merits a better platform than what your meek voice and tentative delivery are able to provide.) As always, we welcome work that reflects on these low points, with the understanding that we will rename the main character “Kevin.”
Now for the fine print:
- Repeated Louder By a Man maintains the right to make editorial changes, including but not limited to adding profanity, diluting context, and removing nuance.
- We maintain the translation rights to the work, regardless of which offensive accent and stereotypical hand gestures we select for the original publication.
- We will promote the work on the group chat until Josh says to cut it out.
- We regret that we are unable to pay contributors at this time.
Please note that future submissions are not guaranteed acceptance. If it’s a pass, we will continue to provide our regular feedback of a chuckle followed by “That’s funny, babe,” and then a quick change of the subject.
These are exciting times for Repeated Louder By a Man. We recently received a high-five from a bartender with tattoos. Our subscriber base, already robust, has seen a boost from our proximity to the line for the bathroom. Stop by Big Mike’s next Bumble date for a sneak peek at our upcoming anthology, Repeated Again, Then Explained By a Man.
Feel free to celebrate your acceptance by somehow getting even quieter than usual. Are you OK? This is an autogenerated question; responses other than “I’m fine” will not be heard.
Expect publication within the next two to six seconds.
Kevin, Josh, Matty, Mike, and Big Mike
Repeated Louder By a Man