A LARGE HOME IN HAMPTON,
ON THE COAST
ME: Hi. Is that a coonhound?
MAN AT DOOR: Yes, it is. He dug that hole over there yesterday in about two minutes.
ME: Well, I’m here canvassing for Bill Bradley, and I wanted to give you the latest literature we’ve got.
MAN AT DOOR: I’m voting for Bill Bradley. When George Bush Sr. was here 10 years ago, he couldn’t get out of this state fast enough. If Jesus himself showed up here and was running for President as a Republican, I wouldn’t support him, because 10 years ago, we were starving.
IN A BAR IN NASHUA
ME: So I’ll give you my email address.
RUTGERS UNIVERSITY STUDENT #1 to #2: What’s up?
STUDENT #2 to #1: We’re getting digits.
STUDENT #2: (to me, raising her eyebrows and smiling) I don’t have a pen. I have lip liner.
STUDENT #1: (to STUDENT #2) He has a fianceé. No lip liner.
WITH A FRIEND IN SALEM
FRIEND: Hi, we’re here on behalf of Bill Bradley. I wanted to give you some of his most recent literature, and want to know if you’ve made any decision for Tuesday.
MAN AT DOOR: Well, I’m not sure. Y’know, kind of like ’em both.
FRIEND: Well, are there any specific issues that you’re most interested in, or anything you want to know?
MAN AT DOOR: Well, y’know, I don’t know. I mean, I’m not sure yet. I like ’em, and not sure what I want to do yet.
FRIEND: So you’re undecided, and have no particular reason you want to vote for either Gore or Bradley.
MAN AT DOOR: Nope, just, not decided. Y’know, I’m just, y’know, thinking it all over. (To kids) C’mon, we can go real soon.
FRIEND: (having noticed sled inside) Taking them sledding?
MAN AT DOOR: Yeah, well, I think so. I’m probably going in a half-hour.
AT A WENDY’S IN TEWKSBURY, MASS.,
NEXT TO OUR HOTEL
OLDER MAN WITH GLASSES: People come up to me and say, ‘Hey, Dave’ a lot.
ANOTHER MAN, WHO DOESN’T LOOK LIKE WENDY’S OWNER DAVE THOMAS: You should parlay that into a cheeseburger. Y’know, say, ’I’m Dave’s brother’ or something like that.
WOMAN: What’s his daughter’s name again?
WOMAN: Oh… yeah.
A RESTSTOP IN CONNECTICUT,
ME: You have batteries?
CLERK: (long pause) Yes. Over there, two aisles down.
CLERK: (on the P.A., noticing 20 more volunteers entering the store) Attention employees, we have a Code 2.
ME: (to a friend): Hospitable place.
CLERK: Will the bus driver of the Greyhound bus please approach the front of the building?