Eggs are a breakfast favorite. But do they belong on a burger? Some would say it’s an abomination. Others would say it’s a massive improvement.
You might be thinking, what drove me to ask this question? To be frank, it’s because I wanted to write something that would get a lot of views. Earlier today, I did a search for “top articles on the internet" and noticed a clear pattern: “Should You Dip Fries in a Shake?”; “Does Cheese on a PBJ Work?”; “People Are Eating Nutella Pizza and I’m Shook.” From these examples, I gathered that people tend to like articles about irregular food combinations.
I sat down for a while, trying to come up with a weird food combination. Chicken with salsa? No, that’s pretty normal. Yogurt and nuts? Didn’t have the right ring to it. I gave up after those two ideas. But then I had a stroke of good luck. And where else would it happen, but on my nightly visit to the Fatburger across the street.
I realized that all this time, my favorite dining institution has a weird food combination of its own: the option to put a fried egg on your burger. I had never ordered eggs on my Fatburger before, and I didn’t do it that night either because I was craving a normal burger. Nonetheless, I had found my subject. I imagine it’s what Leonardo da Vinci felt like when he met Mona Lisa, which was probably at a party or something.
The next question was, how do I fill out this article? Luckily I have a friend, Tyler, who’s been published in HuffPo, The Daily Beast, and had a tweet featured on Uproxx once. He told me his articles tend to do better when he takes a really strong opinion one way or the other. So here it goes: I love eggs on a burger. Go ahead, internet, have your way with me in the comments.
One more important thing: most of the articles I looked at were around 500 words, and as of the end of this sentence I’m only at 378. And at the end of this one I’m only at 389. So to round this out, I’m just going to pick out some random phrases that definitely aren’t from the 2017 list of top keywords on Google: weather, translate, maps, calculator, g, ryan seacrest age, youtube to mp3, f, translator, pill identifier, ryan seacrest age and height, reverse phone lookup, ryan seacrest age and hight, timer for 15 mins, See More Keywords on Next Page.
Where was I? Oh right, eggs on a bagel. I think in the end, I don’t really care. I don’t want to be writing about this, I’m a comedy writer. Why do you people want to read this kind of stuff anyway? Are you just hungry? If so, go eat something. And after you do, please check out my latest satire article “If Fifty Shades Freed Starred Trump and Bannon.”