Originally published August 6, 2021.
Have you herd?! It’s almost time for fall sorority and fraternity recruitment, cuties! If you’re rushing Delta Delta Variant this year, below you’ll find an FAQ to help you better understand what it takes to be part of one of the highest-rated, most to-die-for co-ed crews in the US!
When was ΔΔV founded?
Technically, our roots go back to late 2019/early 2020, but we’ve really been able to establish ourselves in 2021 as the Fifth Wave chapter.
What are you known for? What do you stand for?
We went viral this year, and our name and fame continue to spread like wildfire. We are anti-vax and anti-mask and pro-tected by God—who has only had COVID-19 once. (Source: QAnon.)
What types of new members are you looking for?
Straight-up stubborn and defiant types who refuse to get vaccinated, hate masks, love high-risk situations and misinformation, and value their freedom above all, even if it leads to horrible consequences.
What traits stand out among ΔΔV recruits?
Infectious personalities! Those with a contagious smile! Someone who has a certain air about them! Trendsetters! People who already had no taste whatsoever!
What does rush look like?
Veering from your standard rush-week hype, we recruit on a case-by-case basis, seeking out and actively pursuing those who don’t really believe we exist. There is nothing we love more than scooping up a nonbeliever and getting you pumped about the brother-/sisterhood of natural selection.
What increases my chances of being recruited?
General disregard for the greater good. A red-state address. Letting your aunt on Facebook be your #1 source of news. Having a Delta Delta Variant legacy (someone in your family who passes on the torch).
Are there groups ΔΔV has friendly rivalries with?
The narcs at CDC and the nerds at WHO (exactly—literally who even are you?).
Does ΔΔV throw parties and mixers?
Our parties are SICK. We like to bring as many people together as possible, get global-crisis-level wild, and encourage everyone to stay away from good decisions like they’re the plague.
Are you more likely to recruit those in certain majors?
All majors are welcome, but we tend to stay away from those focusing on science, statistics, or history.
Is there hazing involved?
We don’t have weak-ass rituals like taking shots or wearing masks! We go HARD; be ready to prove your strength through dry coughs, fevers, body aches, breathing issues, etc.
Who’s in charge?
No one! It’s absolute chaos. We do what we want, when we want. Our bodies, our choice. (Restrictions apply.)
How long does it take to find out if I’m in?
Two to fourteen days. If you’ve been recruited as a “plus” member, you’ll know sooner.
What if I’m recruited against my wishes?
Oof, yeah. That happens. Sorry. Our bad.
What should I do if I’m not recruited?
Lambda Lambda Variant might be open to new members.
What does it cost?
Potentially your life!
Do I have to live in the ΔΔV house at some point?
We just call the house “hospitals.” And we do a random lottery to see who gets a bed!
Ready to find out if you have the right kind of vibe for our tribe?
Over on our Patreon page: An interview with Sara K. Runnels about this piece and the response to it.