Here at Time, we made several major changes in 2020. Now that 2021 is here, we’re rolling out a brand new set of regulations.

A Minute

A minute used to be sixty seconds long. Then in 2020, we made a minute take either one hour or 3.5 seconds. Well, we’re pleased to announce that in 2021, a minute simply no longer exists. Like pennies, minutes are now totally useless. Enjoy!

A Day

You may remember last year we adjusted a day so that instead of taking 24 hours, it would be over the moment you first ask yourself, “What time is it?”

We thought this could use improvement. This year, a day is over the moment you think about a recent activity you did, and you ask yourself, “Wait, that was yesterday?” That’s the moment a day ends.

Speaking of which…

Yesterday

From here on out, yesterday will always feel like it was about one to two weeks ago.

A Week

Last year, we changed a work-week so that it lasted an entire year. Everyone really hated this, so we did a little recalibration.

This year, a work-week lasts ten and a half days. This might sound random and hard to keep track of, but it’s the number that tested the best. And it will make total sense once you read about…

A Weekend

In 2020, we announced that we got rid of weekends. To make up for that, in 2021, you will always think it’s the weekend, even if it’s the middle of the week.

It will be Wednesday afternoon and your boss will email asking if you’re sick and that’s why you didn’t work today. And you’ll realize that it’s not Sunday like you thought it was, because it’s tough to keep track of ten and a half day work-weeks.

And you don’t want to tell your boss you thought today was Sunday, so instead you lie and say that you are sick, but you make it clear that it’s not COVID.

But then your boss will think you do have COVID, because that’s just what someone who doesn’t want their boss to know they have COVID would say.

And that will all happen every single week.

A Month

Months used to be pretty inconsistent: some were 30 days, some were 31, and one was 28 or 29. We made this easier last year and said that months would all last exactly four days.

This ended up feeling way too short. So now every month is two months long. This might seem like a paradox, and that’s because it is. Good luck!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will never come.

A Year

Last year, we didn’t have an exact estimate for how long a year was, because the year hadn’t ended yet. Now that 2020 is over, we have clear evidence that one year lasts approximately forty-two months.

Now: we are expecting 2021 to feel a little shorter—perhaps thirty-five or thirty-six months. But who knows? We’ve been wrong before, and you can bet we’ll be wrong again.

That’s all for our updates. See you in thirty-five to forty-two months!