Where x = batting average of son

y = dad’s personal dreams unfulfilled

m = years left in dad’s marriage with mom

c = games where child refused to wear cup

g = games where child cried

b = dad’s current blood pressure

p = times dad passed over for partner at law firm

a = % alcohol in dad’s travel mug at game

o = ortho visits for dad after showing son how to throw curveball

t = Taylor Swift songs sung by son in right field

s = instances of dad alone in car screaming

f = dad’s approval rating of own father

x+2m-5c(b-6) + 3g/(t-7) + 2s/3z(o-a) + 7p(2-y) = IAU (International Asshole Units)