1. Come to a full and complete stop.
2. If another car has also stopped at the intersection, the most senior card-carrying member of SAG proceeds first. If neither driver belongs to SAG, both drivers must wait until a SAG member approaches the intersection.
2b. If two cars are stopped at the intersection and a third car comes to a complete stop, and that car is a Mercedes Benz or a BMW, that driver proceeds first, even if one or both of the other drivers has crept cautiously into the intersection. Cars then proceed by most recent model year.
2c. If three cars pull up to a four-way stop simultaneously, the car driven by the person with the most Law & Order franchise guest appearances may proceed without stopping. In the rare event no driver has appeared on a Law & Order series, drivers proceed in this order: executive producers, directors, producers, editors, production designers, costume designers, music supervisors, composers, casting agents, craft services managers, all civilians, production assistants, and then writers.
2d. If two cars stop simultaneously at a four-way stop, the driver traveling in the direction of Bel Air, Brentwood, or Santa Monica proceeds first. If no driver is traveling in those directions, one driver must volunteer to proceed first and turn in the direction of one of those locations. Anyone who violates this rule is subject to a thorough review by TMZ or its designee.
2e. If four cars stop simultaneously at a four-way stop, all drivers must frantically wave at each other through their windshields until one of the following events happens: a driver can no longer feel his or her fingertips, Ryan Seacrest plays a Miley Cyrus song on the radio, or Eric Garcetti makes a positive statement about Los Angeles on NPR.
2f. If four cars stop in any order at a four-way stop, all drivers must wait until the Apocalypse begins, at which time the intersection will open up and swallow all four cars in the order in which they were purchased. NB: The ground in Hollywood sometimes opens up and swallows cars without triggering the Apocalypse. This is only a sinkhole. It should not affect progress through any four-way stop in the vicinity.
2g. If any number of cars have stopped at a four-way intersection, but one of them is a Tesla, all other drivers must exit their vehicle and applaud as the Tesla driver makes her or his way slowly through the intersection like a show pony.
2h. If any number of cars have stopped at a four-way intersection and not one of them is a Prius, Mother Nature kills a kitten.
2i. If any number of cars have stopped at a four-way intersection and no one is driving for Uber or Lyft at that particular moment, you are not in Los Angeles and should immediately turn around and go home.