I’m a cool Republican. I understand the youth. I’m “down” with all this “gay stuff.” After all, the Republican party is the party of Lincoln. The Big Tent party. The party of small government and personal freedom. But the time has finally come to say this: when Grand Chancellor Trump demands that he be bathed head to toe in the blood of the impure, it concerns me. Look at how I’m frowning. You can tell I am concerned.
We must reject all calls, from all sides, to bathe in the blood of opposing groups. Groups like Give Us Your Blood and No! We Need That Blood are both acting aggressively. Yet it is clear to me that Grand Chancellor Trump must apologize for his comments. A nice apology will make this right.
Grand Chancellor Trump does not represent all Republicans. We are a party of inclusivity. Yes, we elected him out of over a dozen other candidates. Sure, he’s the leader of the party and we have explicitly supported and voted for his propositions. But the Grand Chancellor is not a Republican.
What’s that? Will we demonstrate that in any kind of meaningful way? Silence, Underling.
Despite my complete and utter lack of any action that could stop the Grand Chancellor, I am in no way at fault for his regime. You see, back when elections were legal, I supported Marco Rubio. You now know Marco as the Grand Chancellor’s Hairless Singing Boy.
It’s no secret I have disagreed with Grand Chancellor Trump on a number of issues. For instance, when Grand Chancellor Trump dissolved the police and installed his own security force, the Pepe Protectors, I was very concerned as I voted in agreement. Don’t call it courage — courage is on the Imperial List Of No-No Words.
Today I, along with my Republican colleagues at the Imperial Figurehead Parliament say this in the strongest terms: America is not about extracting the blood of the Underlings in order to cleanse our country and attain eternal life for the Chosen.
America, and the Republican Party, is a place where all — Underling and white alike — should have domain over their own blood. Grand Chancellor Trump should not be demanding the blood of the impure.
That being said, if the Grand Chancellor calls a vote on installing blood donation centers in urban communities, you know how I’ll vote.