“The Road Not Taken (AKA Kappa Party ‘07)”

Two roads diverged in the woods
where Sig Ep has their “Bonfire & Babes” party,
and I—I took my date down the one we nicknamed “Boinkville”
And, no cap, that has made all the difference.

“Fire and Ice (AKA Drink Drank Drunk)”

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of Fireball and White Claw
I throw down with those who favor fire.

“Nothing Gold Can Stay (AKA Phat Stacks of Cash)”

Nature’s first green is gold,
But my first green is money.
I’m not waiting ‘til I’m old;
For a dope life, buddy.

I’m joining a boat-share
And buying a phat leather chair,
So dawn goes down today;
I’ll live to see another payday.

“Acquainted with the Night (AKA Blacked Out Again)”

I have been one acquainted with late night.
I have walked from Wrigleyville to Old Town
Head in my phone, thoughtlessly swiping right;

Tweeting (super blitzed) that time was neither wrong nor right
Dude! Bro! Let’s do it all again tonight.

“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
(AKA Uber Pool to The Tipsy Pig)”

My little horse must think it queer
That I’m riding without a road beer
But my trusty Patagonia vest is on
So I’m filled with fuckin legit good cheer.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
Dude I forgot to pick up Shawn
Where on this horse are the brakes?