This vaccine has become way too politicized. You can’t blindly go out and get it, but you can’t NOT get it, either. Both sides are too extreme, so the only prudent course of action is to get the first dose of a two-dose vaccine and then refuse to get the second shot. That’s how you split the difference and disrupt the system like a true centrist.

Listen — I’m middle of the road on every issue, okay? I listen to NPR but donate to the NRA, I switch religions every couple of months, and my favorite Van Halen album is that one with Gary Cherone on vocals. That might not be a popular opinion, but centrism isn’t about doing what is popular; it’s about doing what you decide is right for yourself, often just after watching a Netflix documentary.

Did you see that one about the super athletes who are all vegan? Man, I went hardcore vegan after watching that. But a week later, I read an article on Paleo and got super into making bison jerky at home. Then I learned Ted Turner owns the largest herd of bison in the world, and I was worried someone might think I align myself with him politically. Instead of reading up on his views, I threw out my meat dehydrator and decided to try out intermittent fasting. Eating sometimes and then not eating other times is about as middle of the road as you can get.

See, centrism isn’t about compromise; rather, it allows you to come to your own decisions based on whatever evidence you choose to accept. Case in point, the COVID vaccine. I trust scientists implicitly, until I decide not to. One vaccine shot, fine, but two? What am I, a bobblehead just going, “Uh-huh, uh-huh, whatever you say”? Please. I can think for myself when I want to, and right now, I think that sounds like one shot too many. I mean, when have you ever had to get two shots of the same thing? It doesn’t seem like the lab techs thought this one through, and that makes me hesitate. Hesitation is a big part of centrism, which, like an open book, is constantly being rewritten by an infinite number of authors who disagree on how to solve anything.

Before you say, “Hey, this sounds way more like a childish reluctance to commit to any course of action than an actual political model,” know that I am an adult who is perfectly capable of deciding for himself when it’s time to put his hands over his ears and say, “Nah-nah-nah-nah, I can’t hear you.” Whichever side you take, I’ll take the other, and if we don’t meet in the middle, that’s your fault. I’m working toward balance, and you’re probably just regurgitating something you heard somewhere.

So, do whatever makes sense to you, and not what some extremist from the left or right tells you to do, be they politician, scientist, or Van Halen fan. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go read the Bible while listening to Joe Rogan’s podcast.