JESUS: I have eagerly awaited this final meal with you. But, before we begin, I would be honored to wash your feet.
JAMES: GR8! Lemme get my essential oils.
PETER: Careful round my toes, bae. I’ve got some sort of fungus. Prolly from walking on all those palms.
JAMES: Jesus, use the lye to wash ur hands after, k?
SIMON: Foot bath selfie, FTW!
JUDAS: Can we hurry up? I’m hungry AF.
JOHN: PPL, quiet down & focus on our Lord.
JESUS: This bread is my body, which I’m giving up for you. Eat it in remembrance of me.
JUDAS: NM. Not hungry anymore. 🤢
SIMON: Why are all of Jesus’s texts bold? Is there an app for that?
JAMES: Wait. We’re only having bread? I’m paleo, man. Got any fish?
THOMAS: The body of Christ just fell in my sandal. Still eating it. 5 sec rule.
JOHN: Guys. Seriously. STFU.
JESUS: And this, this is the cup of my blood. Drink it in remembrance of me.
SIMON: Slow your roll, J.C. Still instagramming the first course.
THOMAS: WTF? R we vampires now? R we going 2B sparkly?
PETER: Will this get us lit?
JUDAS: Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
JOHN: GUYS, CALM THE FUCK DOWN!
JESUS: This is my last meal prior to my suffering. I will be finishing my earthly work on behalf of the kingdom of God.
JUDAS: So you won’t be needing anymore silver, right?
JAMES: Way 2 bring things down, Jesus.
PETER: Does that mean our band, “J.C. and the Apostles,” is a no-go? Maybe I’ll start something w/ Paul & Mary…
JOHN: Peter, man. I can’t even…
JESUS: Peter will deny knowing me three times before the rooster crows tomorrow.
PETER: NFW. You da real MVP.
SIMON: This will make a great montage. I need more subs on my YT channel.
JUDAS: Can I have Peter’s silver then?
JESUS: I will go as it has been decreed, but one of you will betray me. Woe to him.
JUDAS: Is it hot in here?
PETER: ‘Lil bit. Might be the crappy 🍷. IDK.
THOMAS: (Doubt he’s really coming back.)
JAMES: Any one got any meat? Nuts? Like, I’m dying over here. No offense, Jesus.
JESUS: I will be going away to the Father, and I will send the Holy Spirit to guide you. I bestow peace on you and command you to love one another as I have loved you.
PETER: Dude, seriously, please don’t go.
THOMAS: Wait. R we still gonna B Jews?
SIMON: Doing my Yelp review. What do U think? “The bread was wholesome and fulfilling, but kinda dry. Wine seemed a little watery. The fortune telling from J.C. was on point tho.”