Blood: Insurance doesn’t cover routine blood work.

Frogs: Roommate enters reptile phase.

Lice: Rescue dog comes with rescue fleas.

Flies: All first dates are hikes.

Pestilence: Weird new foot pain.

Boils: Adult acne.

Hail: Hail in May, followed by intense bouts of climate anxiety.

Locusts: Hordes of TikTok teens film dances in your living room.

Darkness: That TV show you love is only streaming on Paramount+ now.

Killing of the firstborn: Mom spends this year’s Seder asking when you’re going to have kids even though you don’t have a house or health insurance and your rescue dog has fleas and veterinarians are expensive and is that a new zit on your face? Dayenu!