“Papa Johns has told racists not to eat its food, after a neo-Nazi website claimed the pizza chain was the official pie of the alt-right.” — Newsweek, 11/5/17
The Alt-Right: Papa John’s.
The KKK: A single square of Ellio’s microwavable pizza, left on the coffee table, from the night that Barb finally took the kids and went to live at her mother’s place.
Men’s Right’s Activists: Deep-dish meat lovers pizza from a national chain. Extra cheese, no vegetables. Eaten straight out of the box in front of a screen. Alone. Every night. Forever.
NRA: Civil-war era hardtack sprinkled with a rejected job application to Jiffy Lube, torn to shreds during a rage-blackout.
GOP: A white pie manufactured during a sexless union of agribusiness associates in a secure location. Served on that nice platter we got during the last cenobite trade summit. No spice.
College Republicans: Just straight up play dough.
Koch Brothers: This “food” can not sustain us. Bring more human larvae.
Westboro Baptist Church: A piece of American cheese, wrapped inside a hot dog bun, dropped haphazardly on the floor of a Stucky’s.
Aryan Brotherhood: Ketchup packets bought at the commissary emptied onto a slice of white bread smuggled from the cafeteria, mixed with canned fruit in a plastic bag and left to ferment for ten days in the toilet.
Doomsday Preppers: Dominoes.