The Amelia Uncertainty Principle. As confidence in your toddler’s current shoe size increases, consistency in sizing across shoe manufacturers decreases.

Alder’s Observation. A toddler in motion remains in motion. A toddler at rest will pee on itself.

The Third Law of Theo Dynamics. If an object exceeds the temperature of 100 degrees Fahrenheit, the atoms of a toddler will begin moving toward that object.

The Jordynn Theorem. The emotional strain of installing a car seat in an airport rental lot produces enough heat and light to be visible from other galaxies.

Graham’s Principle of Least Restraint. The kinetic energy of a thrown Hot Wheels™ car must always exceed the shatter resistance of a newly replaced bedroom window.

Hanako’s Axiom. It is true that all right angles are equal to one another, and that your toddler will run full-tilt into every right angle in your home an equal number of times.

The Preston Paradox. The coefficient of friction between a table and a plate decreases as the quantity of food on the plate increases.

The Yasmin Ratio. An irrational number used to measure the gap between wet wipes needed and wet wipes possessed.

The Lucía Limit. A predetermined but unpredictable number describing the number of weeks in a row your toddler will eat bananas before they refuse, apropos of nothing, to ever eat another banana.