“It’s very simple: If you kill a cat, you eat a cat.”

“Does God have a butthole? I don’t know.”

“Okay, everybody do this: take your sock off and taste it. Now throw it in the air. See?”

“A wizard is a lizard upside-down.”

“The root word of business is penis.”

“One cup of flour. One other cup of flour. Five shrimp. A bag of dice. Fudge. Seven onions. Ten cups of melted beef. A sugared cucumber. Stir and heat. Remove from heat. Put back on heat. Stir. Replace. Enjoy. Simmer.”

“Because my Shelby can’t. And she never could.”

“As I said in my best-selling financial planning book, Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Silence of the Lambs ‘If it’s smart, it puts the money
lotion in the retirement basket.”

“Why are there so many fucking ghosts in this audience?”