At garden party on Canada Day (July 1), allowed myself to imagine flag in various shades of purple and light blue. Also visualized a squirrel, a rainbow, and a garden gnome in place of the maple leaf.

As a solution to the Mid East peace crisis, suggested to several friends that we give Saskatchewan to the Palestinians.

For several years, forgot lacrosse, not hockey, is actually our national sport.

At pub, contemplated ordering some kind of pink cocktail drink instead of a Molson.

While reading Majesty Magazine at hairdresser’s, indulged in wild speculations about the exact nature of the Queen’s relationship with her corgis.

During late-May snowstorm, wondered about the possibility of towing Canada to the Caribbean to take Cuba’s place. Upon realizing this was a ridiculous notion, cursed ancestors for their thoughtlessness and laziness in settling in such a cold climate.

At dinner party, pretended not to know who Celine Dion is.

When discussing Iraq war, remarked that we too might have become a military superpower if only we’d chosen something other than the beaver as our national animal.

Watching Stanley Cup playoffs, imagined the mangled-faced Maple Leafs suddenly morphing into good-looking soccer players with full sets of teeth and sexy calves.

After hearing news item about the falling Canadian dollar, wished briefly to be an American.