[Read: ‘The Shakespearean Guide
to the 2016 Republican Primary’

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I. The field of battle

Hillary Clinton

There’s order given for her coronation:
Marry, this is yet but young, and may be left
To some ears unrecounted.

Bernie Sanders

For I can raise no money by vile means.

Jim Webb

[Exeunt, fighting]

Lincoln Chafee

Who’s that? a Frenchman?

Lawrence Lessig

Th’ attempt and not the deed confounds us.

Martin O’Malley

I beseech your honour to hear me one single word.

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II. Another part of the field

Joe Biden

Darkness and devils!
Saddle my horses. Call my train together.

Al Gore

A prophet I, madam; and I speak the truth

Kanye West

Let not my love be call’d idolatry,
Nor my beloved as an idol show,
Since all alike my songs

Cory Booker

I fear neither sword nor fire.

Elizabeth Warren

Defer no time, delays have dangerous ends.

Bill Clinton

The ancient saying is no heresy.
Hanging and wiving goes by destiny.

Barack Obama

Was the crown offered him thrice?