He’ll never notice if I just take one bite.
Or two bites.
I wonder how much food my mom ate that was meant for me.
This is parental paying it forward and paying it forward is good, like in that movie with the kid who sees dead things and wound up fat.
Too much mac and cheese is bad for a kid—that’s solid parenting.
Mac and cheese is probably what happened to Hayley Joel Osment.
Holy fuck, is that his name? How did I remember that? I’m the Google of my own head!
Google of my head? Are there drugs in this mac and cheese, I should double-check by eating more because I care about safety.
Hayley’s a girl’s name.
I see dead career—ZING.
Fuck, this is good.
I bet that bitch Megan from Tots and Tomes reading group makes her kids homemade mac and cheese.
I bet she has her kids help her, bonding over cooking while also casually imparting life lessons in the process.
I bet one lesson is butter makes everything taste better, her kids will probably turn into sticks of butter when their second marriages fall apart because they always feel like failures compared to their perfectionist mother and the only thing they know is that food is never disappointed in them.
My kid’s lucky I set achievable example like sometimes you have to get prepackaged food from the grocery store five nights a week.
This fifteenth bite is worth my cocktail dress not fitting tonight.
Life lesson, kid: sometimes you’re going to be chubby and that’s OK as long as you’re not so chubby that people start describing you as “curvy.”
I probably won’t even like the dinner they serve at this event.
I bet this mac and cheese is less calories than the fancy dinner, which I will definitely not eat now.
I mean, unless it’s late and I get really hungry. Or drunk.
Then I’ll just eat the vegetables.
Or maybe the potatoes.
Because potatoes have nutrients, like… shit, remind myself to look up what’s good about potatoes, probably niacin or one of those things?
I might as well eat kid’s food and get jiggly because who cares when there will always be hot 19 year olds competing for attention.
Saying I’m a “mom” is enough to turn everyone off anyway.
When’s the last time my husband even looked at me.
MILF is more like Macaroni I’d Like to Finish.
Great, now I have to hide an empty mac and cheese container.
Kids love pizza.
Fuck. I love pizza.