Lie down in sit-up position. How many slices of ham do you see under your couch?

Get in position for the sit-and-reach. Can you get back up, or are you pretty much down there until the FedEx guy comes by again?

Can you drive to work without stopping at Arby’s?

Can you retweet without sweating?

Can you achieve orgasm without thinking about cake?

To your knowledge, have you ever been a major factor in a corporate-level decision about where to build a Bob Evans?

Can you have a heart attack without also having a second heart attack?

Can you sweat without smelling like maple syrup?

Are you carrying bacon on your person? You sure?

Have you ever accepted Crisco as collateral?

Could you fit into a sidecar if you had to?

Do you currently have frosting in your hair?

Is your Blood-Gravy Content lower than, say, 11%?

Have any surgeons given nicknames to your arteries?

Time yourself in a one-mile run. Kidding! What are you, some kind of superman?

Name your five closest friends. Are more than two of them types of cheese?

Have you recently thought about how you should totally sign up for that 10K, but you just got over being sick, and work is super hectic right now, but maybe in the fall?

Have you ever been identified by name in a suicide letter written by a personal trainer?

Have you ever voted for a deep fryer in any state or local election?

What is the maximum number of corndogs you have consumed in one sitting; and Jesus, really?