Poached salmon fillet with thyme

Seared scallops on shrimp and truffle risotto

Lamb and orzo-stuffed peppers

You’re fat. Stop eating our crap. It’s crap.

Pumpkin soup with red pepper mousse

Lemon-sage Cornish game hens with tomato-porcini sauce

Hazelnut gelato profiteroles with warm Kahlúa sauce

Cucumber-mint raita

Seriously, fatso. Step away from the counter.

Philippine-style chicken adobo

Whopper with cheese

Lemon tabouli with tender romaine

Dilled gravlax with mustard sauce

Sautéed mushrooms with melted Stilton

Fat ass. Leave. Now. Save yourself!