Dear TikTok Support,

I don’t know if this is the right place for this or if TikTok has a specific form for complaints regarding user-submitted effects, but I have a big issue with the currently trending old age filter.

After seeing my For You page flooded with fun images of young couples suddenly transformed into scraggly-skinned septuagenarians, I decided to join the party by uploading a photo of my wife Connie and me.

But instead of a goofy memento of how we might look after a lifetime of living, laughing, and loving, the filter shows my smiling wife standing in front of my freshly dug grave. And with her is an unknown older guy who clearly has his hand on the small of her back.

Like, what?

Not only that, but Connie has barely aged in the photo. She’s got a couple of extra laugh lines, and that’s it. Is the filter implying I’ll be dead in four to ten years and that she’ll be dating before my body is cold?

Also, if this new couple wanted a nice photo of themselves, why do it in front of my freshly dug grave? You mean to tell me that my bride and her new beau brought along an unseen third party to snap a few glamor shots atop my corpse? The logic in this TikTok filter just does not add up.

As for the tombstone, instead of something memorializing my life, like BELOVED HUSBAND, I’m pretty sure someone (presumably the creator of the filter) etched UNLOVED JAGOFF into the marble.

It’s probably against your company policy to dox creators, but please answer me this: was the guy who made this my wife’s co-worker Barry? I only met him once at an office holiday party, and I remember them having a bunch of inside jokes. It’s hard to tell if he’s the guy in the pic because the filter added a long white Santa beard, but I’m pretty sure it is.

I don’t know what kind of techno-wizardry is involved here, but I believe Barry is attempting to show Connie a glimpse of a possible future with him. I have not shared this image with her, as I am concerned she will get upset or, worse yet, take it as some prophecy of our future and start getting on my case about how I need to stop eating Del Taco. However, it’s only a matter of time before this appears on her FYP.

So please, if someone at TikTok HQ could get back to me, that would be much appreciated. I desperately want to look and grow old with my wife.